The Ask

Apparently "popping the question" is a big deal. A HUGE deal. A deal so MONSTROUSLY LARGE that it can barely be wrestled down by Godzilla himself.

Yeah.

My future husband and I moved in together about a year before we started talking about grad school. He was trying to figure out how to actually make a living in film or a related industry and I was starting a legal assistant job that I was horrible at.

After Hurricane Katrina, he started volunteering for the Red Cross and decided to get a degree in Emergency Management and Disaster Planning. I went back to school and got another useless art degree.

We sat down and had a conversation about our future. It made sense as we were about to start our future. We decided that we would talk about marriage when we had both finished grad school.

About a month after I got my MFA, we had the conversation. It went like this:

Him: We need to talk.
Her: (In my mind: Oh shit! What did I do?) Oh-kay.
Him: I want to marry you.
Her: Oh good. I want to marry you.
Him: Besides, I figure you are as good as I'm going to get.
Her: You're not too bad yourself.

This is not a recreation. It is not an exaggeration. It is literally what happened. (I wrote it down the nest day.)

There was no ring. There were no balloons or champagne. It was just us being us which is why it was perfect and I love it. Also, and most importantly, I got the punch line.

But it's true that the engagement question does set the tone for everything that follows... (dun-dun-dun!)

Whither the Anti Bride

I am supposed to be planning a wedding. My wedding. My wedding between myself and my wonderful future husband, who I love very much.

And let me tell you something: it just doesn't seem like it's going to happen.

Thus the blog.

It's going to be a little bit diary, a little bit bitch session and a whole lot of what the hell am I doing.

This kind of started with the book The Anti-Bride Guide. (This being the wedding industry there's also an Anti-Bride planner and etiquette guide.) It was the one book in the wedding planning section that was some horrible pastel color. It was funny and the writers seemed smart. It was about ditching the expectations of society and other and having the wedding you wanted. I was like, yeah, I'm totally an anti-bride!

Then they suggested wearing a tiara at your wedding.

And I was like, who ARE these people? Tiara's are for girls who think they are princesses. And women who actually are royalty. They are for prom queens and beauty queens. The represent all sorts of stuff: the aristocracy, of putting one person above another. Tiaras scream: Disney Princess dress-up kit for ages 3-8! Not: Adult woman looking to begin companionate marriage with a celebration that includes friends and family!

And I realized I was more anti-bride than the anti-bride guide.

But as willing as I am to cast of the shackles of society expectations and go around quoting Mary Wollstonecraft, I still want a wedding. I am torn. I am Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Anti-Bride.

So, can I possibly plan a wedding if I'm the anti-bride? Will I cede planning to my girlier friends? Or my mother? Will I break down and just go to the courthouse like my future husband suggests everytime I mention that we need to talk to his mother?

I really have no frickin' clue.

So stay tuned readers! This is definitely going to be a bumpy ride.